The Truth About Being "Too Much"

The Kind of High Only a Deep Soul Can Handle

I spent a lot of my life trying to learn how to be the "chill" girl.

You know the one I mean. The woman who doesn't ask too many questions, who laughs off things that actually hurt, and who smooths out all her rough edges so she doesn't accidentally overwhelm anyone. For years, I contorted myself into shapes that felt safe and digestible for other people, terrified that my actual personality was simply too intense. But if we are sitting here today, being completely honest with each other, I have to tell you the truth: trying to be "easy to love" will slowly starve you.

Some of us just have this wildflower energy, this fierce, untamed spirit, and this aching in our bones when we try to confine ourselves to checklists and expectations. We were never meant to fit neatly inside the boxes people build for us in the name of safety.

You Are Not for Shallow Waters

There is a beautiful, dangerous quote that says, "She is the kind of high only a deep soul can get stoned to."

When I first heard it, it felt like someone had reached into my chest and finally gave a name to my exact brand of magic. For so long, I thought my fire made me "too much," and my boundaries or my volume were problems I needed to fix. But I was wrong. Your fire doesn’t make you too much; it is the absolute proof that you were born for something more.

If someone tells you that your emotions are overwhelming or your depth is intimidating, it usually just means they only know how to swim in the shallow end. They want a connection that is simple and sweet, but honestly? I don't want sweet. I am not looking for politeness wrapped up in desire, and I am certainly not here to just be handled. I am here to be met—all the way.

The Sword and the Sanctuary

We have to stop shrinking to make others comfortable with our magic. You are allowed to be the flower and the fire. You are both the sword—clear, sharp, and fiercely protective of your peace—and the sanctuary—warm, steady, and capable of giving profound softness. You never have to choose between the two.

A shallow heart will always ask you to pick a side. They will want the sanctuary but run from the sword. But a deep soul? A deep soul craves the whole spectrum. They won't ask you to water down your joy or quiet your power. They know that if they can't handle your depth, they have no business trying to drown in your thighs. They don't want to handle you at all; they want to witness you.

Live in Your Colors

So, please, stop apologizing for your wild. Stop trying to be a glass of tap water for people who don't know how to appreciate fine wine.

Choose lovers who do not flinch at your depth. Choose the people who look at you not as a puzzle to quickly solve, but as a map with no legend—full of winding roads and hidden places they genuinely want to get lost in. Live in your colors, reach for the sun, and let your peace be far too deep for shallow places. Grow so wild and untamed that they whisper about your freedom like it’s a legend. Because it is. And because you are.

Personal Reflection

Something clicked for me when I stopped apologizing for my own intensity. I used to go on dates or sit in relationships and physically feel myself biting my tongue. I would edit my thoughts before they left my mouth, trying so hard not to scare anyone off with the sheer volume of my feelings. I thought that if I showed a man the full depth of my soul, he would run.

And a lot of them did.

I was sitting on my porch one evening, nursing a cup of tea, when I realized that I was trying to serve top-shelf whiskey to people who only wanted tap water. I had been praying for someone to love my wild, untamed spirit, but I was hiding it out of fear. I realized I didn't want to be "handled" by a man; I wanted to be witnessed by one. The day I decided to stop apologizing for my wild was the day I stopped attracting shallow connections. I finally understood that I am a specific kind of high—and only a truly deep, grounded soul is ever going to be able to handle the altitude.

Q: I always get told I'm "too intense" or "too deep" for casual dating. How do I fix this?

You don't fix it, because it isn't broken. Your fire, your boundaries, and your volume are not problems to solve; they are proof that you were made for something more. If someone tells you you're too intense, what they are really saying is that their capacity is too small for what you’re offering. Let your peace be too deep for shallow places.

Q: How do you know when you've found someone who can actually handle your depth?

You'll know because they won't try to "handle" you at all. They will want to witness you. They are the kind of lovers who don't flinch at your depth or your chaos. Instead of rushing to figure you out, they will look at you like a beautiful map with no legend—full of hidden places they actually want to explore.

Q: I feel like I have to choose between being a soft, nurturing partner or a strong, independent woman. How do I balance both?

You don't have to choose, because you are not an "either/or" woman. You are both the sword and the sanctuary. Some days you will be fiercely protective of your peace, and other days you will offer profound softness without apology. You are allowed to be a full spectrum of contradiction, and the right person will celebrate every single hue.

with love, just jessica